The best of Northwest: joke edition

Northwest Horizons has asked the student body to submit their best jokes or puns to display to the community. Here are our picks out of 42 very entertaining responses. We hope that this article can bring a smile to your face in times like these. We are thankful to all of our participants for their contributions.

 

“Horse walks into a bar. Bartender asks, ‘Why the long face?’”

“It’s the only joke that my dad can remember. He’s super funny.”

-Kaylen A. Ayres, senior

 

“What do you call a bear in the rain? A drizzly bear.”

“My sister came up with it!”

-Ant Thompson, sophomore

 

“Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.”

“My dad is a jokester.”

-Kirialysse Mia Nieves, sophomore

 

“Why did the guy get fired from the calendar factory? He took too many days off.”

“(I) found it online.”

-Matthew Adams, sophomore

 

“Me: Knock Knock.

Them: Who’s there?

Me: Britney Spears

Them: Britney Spears who?

Me: Knock Knock.

Them: Who’s there?

Me: Oops, I did it again…”

Semaya Price told me this on FaceTime.”

-Sydney Forrest, freshman

 

“Have you ever tried eating a clock?  It’s very Time Consuming.”

“I think that a friend told it to me.”

-Ethan Shearer, freshman

 

“Two chemists walk into a bar. One says, ‘I’ll have an H2O’ and he gets a glass of water. The other says, ‘I’ll have an H2O, TOO’ and he dies (H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide).”

I saw it on the internet in 2017 and I’ve told it to many people since then.”

-Maya Belhadj, junior

 

“What kind of dog does a magician have? A labrakadabrador.”

“(I) came up with it myself.”

-Charlie Stirling, senior

 

“I asked my friend to rate me out of 10 the other day. They said ‘you’re an 8 on a scale of 10.’ I still don’t understand why she wanted me to ‘urinate on a skeleton’.”

“(I learned it from the) internet!”

-Ashley Wan, sophomore

 

“A man walks into a zoo. The only animal in the entire zoo is a dog. It’s a Shitzu.”

“My grandfather told me this joke a long time ago.”

-Lauren Wall, freshman

 

“A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm. He says ‘Get me a drink, and one for the road.’”

I heard it on one of the shows I watch on youtube.”

-Mark Phillips, junior

 

“When I die I want to be cremated, since it’s my last hope for a smoking hot body.”

“Someone told it to me.”

-Bryanna Simons, senior

 

Why did the sushi say to the bee? Wasabi! (What’s up bee!)”

-Carlo Esquivel, freshman

 

I got my daughter a refrigerator for her birthday. I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.”

“I saw it online when I was scrolling through social media.”

-Rachel Miles, freshman

 

“A grasshopper sits down at a bar. The bartender tells him, ‘We have a drink named after you!’ The grasshopper replies, ‘Who names a drink Steve?’” 

“What do you do when you see a spaceman? You park, man!”

“I pride myself in being able to tell horrible dad jokes to my friends. I didn’t buy myself that ‘Best Dad’ mug for nothing.”

-Mackenzie Milani-Kaufman, senior